Day 1011

Sweet Lilly was in for testing at the U of M Veterinary Hospital this morning. To say we were impressed would be an understatement! They took us to a private room when we arrived, checked on us numerous times and, after taking Lilly for her ultrasound (I had to walk her part of the way), they brought her back with a doctor and veterinarian student as her escort. They took all the time we needed to get our answers. Although her Stage 3 kidney disease is not the best news, there was no cancer and now we can focus on the matter at hand.

All night, and days in advance, I worried about what they might find. Following the pathway of different diagnoses, my heart has been troubled. I have worried, fretted and researched until my mind and heart became puddles. Even though she does not have a clean bill of health, the horrible, immediate consequences seem to be more distant. I am grateful.

Why do we worry and project possible scenarios when the unknown looms ahead? Perhaps we are preparing ourselves for the worst scenario, so we are not blindsided by misfortune. Maybe our brains are wired that way from our fight or flight heritage. It would be lovely to follow the old adage, “Don’t worry until you actually have the facts in front of you.” I try, but I simply dance around worse case scenarios until relief floods my heart when the worst case doesn’t come true.

I wish I could get off the “Worry Train,” but it’s not an option. To be honest, the flood of relief and gratitude is ALMOST worth the battle. In this case, it certainly is!